I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're like the curious george of whores
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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