I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
