After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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