Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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