Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
