best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
