Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize