If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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