It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wear drunk well.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
