nut hugger
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
