planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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