new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
no you cant smoke seaweed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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