they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
