I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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