Non-Jews are for practice
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
