just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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