do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
