I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
