Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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