Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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