Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
