I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
