i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
