The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
