New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
