He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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