I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
