I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
