Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have fence marks all over my body
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
