I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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