he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
