dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
