do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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