I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
