Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
