I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
