Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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