I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
