I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
