You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
