I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
