Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dick very happy bro
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
