she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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