I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
