So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
