I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I enjoy the company of your penis
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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