I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
