so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize