call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
