Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
this is an emotional support booty call
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
