I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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