Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
