And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
