And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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