Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
