I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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