So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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