I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
