I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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