I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
