have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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