Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
this is an emotional support booty call
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize