i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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