I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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