It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
