But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the day after is always just damage control
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So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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